I just made myself super sad looking at pictures of the Poo Dog (India). I miss her so, so much. I just want to bring her back and make her promise to be good and not attack her sister. I miss how excited she got over bubble wrap. I miss how she always wanted to play. I miss how I could give her a new toy, and that toy would be the best thing in the universe – until the next new toy. I want her back. I can’t have her back. I want to get inside her brain and understand why she kept doing all those mean things. I just want her to be my baby girl still. I miss her.

It has really sunk in that she is gone. I cried myself to sleep last night. I got 3 migraines in 14 hours today. I can’t stop thinking of her feeling confused and scared. I want to go give her hugs and all her toys and explain everything to her. I want the last 3 years to have been completely different for her. Why did she keep fighting? Why? Why couldn’t we make her stop? I love her so much.

I tried to call and check on her today, but they are closed to the public on Tuesdays. I miss her. I miss her. I miss her.