stephanie is: 
rockin’…
i am listening to bach really loud on my headphones while i work. doo doot doot doot dooo!
i’m trying not to worry over silly little things. like i keep wondering why there are people out there that try to make me feel guilty about the successes in my life. shouldn’t i feel guilty about my mistakes instead? danny says it is usually jealousy. i definetly have my share of jealousy every day, but i try not to act out on it. i guess since i put so much of myself up on this site then i am “fair game” for criticism. that is fine, i don’t get mad at people for disliking me or attacking my values. but i do feel sad and hurt and confused by it. i just want to understand why some people act in a way they know will be hurtful to me when i don’t even know them.
should i feel guilty if i am thin because i eat less fatty foods than someone else? or even cause of genetics which i can not control? or should i feel guilty that dan and i have worked hard to have jobs that are going to allow us to be able to afford a mortgage (just barely, but we will afford it…)? dan was working as a bartender when i met him and has worked his way up through grunt cst jobs to the engineer job he is at now, making more than me. should he feel guilty about that? i should be grateful instead of guilty, that we can combine our salaries and be able to pay for it each month with a few sacrifices.
should we feel guilty for charging for my site? i guess that question can be answered many ways. it is well known that high bandwidth sites cost a lot of money – money that is hard to come by when your monthly expenses nearly double. while i feel that it is pretty apparent that i am not out to make money off of mine – just cover some of the costs, others may not feel that way. at this point, i am getting a donation (average donation is $10) every couple days. i just don’t get how i am supposed to feel bad or guilty about this setup. am i trying to make myself look good by telling people i donate to charities with part of what i receive? no – i am hoping more people will donate on those days. and they have! i have had a couple people give multiple donations on mondays so that i can pull together a nice amount for the charity.
is it bad that i still have a wishlist in the donate section? that is simply because people outside the us complained that they couldn’t use paypal. should i feel guilty for posting my wishlist in my journal around my birthday? i don’t see how it is bad to give people gift ideas when they keep asking you for them. and i could post the link a million times and i shouldn’t have to feel bad. it is my journal, no one is being forced to read it or act in any way or give me anything. i have seen a lot of other girls attacked about having wishlists. i just think it is a very petty thing to get worked up over. don’t like the concept of wishlists? well, some people don’t – so just don’t buy from them if you don’t like them.
i guess everyone has a different opinion. and there are a lot of people out there that don’t realize that what works for them may not work for everyone else. i think that is a big problem in religions. too many groups that KNOW they are right and others are wrong… but that is a whole other topic entirely…
It’s ok!
People are only jealous because they still haven’t realized how good it feels to be around sucessful and happy people.
I mean.. why should I be jealous of what you have? You worked very hard for it, so that should motivate me to work hard so I can have something.
The problem is they never look at the hard site of it. About charging for your site, You’re being fair Steph. It does cost a lot of money and you can’t afford everything.
And yeah, I love when my friends tell me what they want as gifts 🙂 because I’m sure I’m buying them something they really like. Of course we miss the *surprise* thing.. but’s ok 🙂
Don’t worry. you always seemed like a good person to me, you work a lot and you’re very kind.
But whatever you do, there will be always someone who won’t agree with your position.
*hugs*
Re: It’s ok!
thanks 🙂
Your site.
Hey girl! ::BIG HUGGS::
You are right about everyone having diffrent opinions. And I’ll you give you mine about your site.
You’re layout is really good. You’re site is probably one of the best sites I’ve seen on the net. (no kidding) BUT somethings on your site I don’t agree with. I seen some pretty “sexy” poses that you did. Don’t get me wrong, you are very pretty but I don’t agree a person should take “sexy” photos and put in up for everyone to see. I guess we have diffrent backgrounds and if you love to do that or take fun photos, then hey, that’s great. 🙂 And please don’t get down on that. Please? ::BIG HUGGS:: About that donation part, ::thinking:: well, yeah, I would probably do the same thing if my site was like yours. So I don’t have anything against that. I know it’s probably expensive each month for your site…that’s one of the reasons I would do it too. And, yes, I would donate after my husband and I get out of his debt! hehe. Before I close this, I just want to say “Two Thumbs Up” for your site!!! ::BIG HUGGS:: And I’m happy that you’re in a better mood today 🙂 🙂
Re: Your site.
Hehehehe, stefunnie! You must wear a giant paper bag or I weeell get offended!
I love you. I love your site. I love all the work you’ve done. *hugs to you* I can’t wait to visit! woohoo! We’re going to have so much fun! 😀
i feel the same way. i admire your hard work and i consider you an extremely successful person for it. you are right, some people are just not open to other ideas and ways of doing things – and though you and i both realize that – rude comments on top of more rude comments etc…build up, and after a while it really does start gnawing away at you (or at least it does me)…
you’ve done a really good job handling it, because i have seen some of the thoughtless comments that have been posted (in the past)…
don’t get me wrong, i’m all for constructive criticism, but jeez, some people…
Wow, Steph! You even got a post from the homo-phobe.
I’ve told you before, I love your site and I’m willing to pay a little to be able to frequent it. If for nothing else, then to be able to help someone else… the same reason you donate to charities. You should never feel guilty about your accomplishments, they are yours and yours alone. Don’t let others take that away from you.
Steph you seem like a great person, and you have a kick-ass site, and there are way, Way WAY more people who love and appreciate what you do than people who don’t.
not to worry!
first of all: i have told you several times how amazing i think your site is, and i’ll say it again today because it sounds like you could use it. 🙂 i think you are an astounding designer…i’ll freely admit that i’m jealous of you!!!! but in a “good” way…in an ass-kicking way that makes me want to get up off the couch and really push myself.
as for those mean, nasty comments that some people feel so compelled to make…i will never understand that. the other day someone posted a message on my bbs as “past person” and said that the tedium (actually, they used the non-word “tediousness,” so how seriously can i take them?) of my website was matched only by my self-centeredness, but perhaps if i were a better designer it would be almost bearable. i copied and pasted their ip # and found it was coming from cincinnati, where i went to grad school. so not only is this creep out to diss me, he or she probably knew me in real life. that REALLY hurts. and i will never understand why people do it either.
i don’t know why people think that just because we live our lives on cam, that means we want them to tell us HOW to live. ana posted an email earlier today that someone sent her telling her a wig she was wearing made her look fat, but that she should “keep the red lipstick.” it astounds me that people don’t know how rude (or just plain time-wasting, unnecessary, and stupid) such comments are, but for some reason i guess some people have nothing better to do.
the vibe i have always gotten from your site is that you are really cool and unpretentious and genuinely joyful…so try to remember that there are some of us who see THOSE qualities in you, and not all the negative bullshit.
xoxoxo
Stephanie, don’t let others get you down. Allowing us to look into your life is a privilege. And for those who value that privilege, they choose to support you with donations to help offset costs of running your site. If they don’t like seeing it, they should go elsewhere. Last I heard nobody was forcing anyone to read your journal or pay to look at your site or buy you gifts off your wishlist. You’re an amazing woman and you seem to know what you want and you’re doing something with your life. I just wanna say, “keep up the good work!”
=)
Process: Agreement
Amen, sister. ~_^
Please continue doing what you do, and never mind those small people who cannot comprehend freedom of expression. I have a plan for them…
Bill
well…
I personally don’t agree with the way some people use wishlists. I feel as though some people take advantage of others by posting wishlists. It’s cool to get presents from people and nice things, but wishlists take away from the happiness of christmas and birthdays and hannukah or whatever it is you celebrate. It takes the fun out of buying someone something. Aren’t lists like that for weddings? When people are forced to bring something and they don’t want to buy the same gift as someone else? Isn’t getting someone a present about the fun of picking it out? Sometimes people seem so downright greedy. And that is just their natural human condition. But I am only referring to people who post their wishlist every other day. I don’t think it is bad that you have started charging for your site; i think it is great! You work very hard!
I think for some people it’s more of an issue here with what exactly the viewer is paying for…are they paying for server equipment and bandwidth charges or are they putting another stuffed animal on your bed?
I can see it from both positions. I don’t necessarily agree with wishlists, and that is why I do not have one, and it is also why I won’t buy someone something off of a wishlist. If you were truly my friend, you would get a gift that came straight from my heart, that I would have put a lot of effort into finding, and it would mean so much more than a box from amazon.com.
I do love your site and I appreciate your donations to worthwhile causes. My mom had ovarian cancer…it’s not the same as breast cancer but it was just as painful. Thankfully she is still alive, but it was a torturous procedure. So I am appreciative that you have taken the time to donate to some meaninful causes 🙂 Thank you so very much for doing that.
-kat
Re: well…
my mom had ovarian cancer 3 years ago and it turned me upside down and now her white cell count is high again and shes going to have another catscan to see if the cancer has returned,i hope not but i guess its in gods hands and i think what stephanie does with the money she recieves is her own buisness but when she donates money to these causes it makes me very happy,iam slready a member of her sight but iam going to be sending her more money when shes ready to collect for a good cause, god bless you stephanie and you too alsol, i hope your mom stays healthy and cancer free,,Jim,,,=)
I think that Dan is right and it’s all jealousy. You put in a full day of work, and then you put in another 5 or so hours on your own site, to give your viewers something great for a small donation.
Don’t let folks get you down. You put in the work, you should deserve the praise. If people give you heat and say your site is crap, ignore them, because the content speaks for itself..
Keep on keepin’ on
All I can say Steph, is RIGHT ON! Your site kicks some serious booty and I love everything about it. I love the wishlist (it’s how I donated), I love the graphics, I love the calendar, I really love the oddities, and most especialy I love your journal. Sometimes mean people just suck and that’s all there is to it. People are dissatisfied with their lives and are jealous of the success of other people. If those same people could just realize that by you (or anyone else) being successfull (because YOU WORKED FOR IT, damn it!!!!) does NOT take anything away from them. It is not like there is only a finite amount of good things in this world and you can get it before me. Your success or the lack of someone else’s has no bearing on say, my success. It’s not like the lottery, where if I win then you can’t. My success or your’s or even Bill Gates’ does NOT impact someone else’s; it does not prevent someone else from getting some for themselves. Everyone has to make their own way in this world. Thank you for allowing me the space and time to put my two cents in and sorry for it being so lengthy.
Pooh Pie
I love the link-o-rama
script you made. Great stuff.
The only thing I don’t like about your
site is that you have so many friends and
therefore frequent visitors, I
can rarely manage to read your
journal for I get “server errors” or
“page not available” or it just
hangs. The pain of popularity.
Awww, such woes.
JAZZY DAY
Re: Pooh Pie
Just for clarification,…
The server errors that you receive when trying to view her journal, are due to the overload here on livejournal.com not on stvlive. Brad is working on getting new servers, but as we all no, that takes money. And unfortunately, the majority of the users here will probably not cough up a few bucks for this awesome service he has provided.
Re: Pooh Pie
Worlock,
Another pain of popularity I guess. As I told Brad, (I’ve known him since his days in high school when he developed a java program that enabled web users to shoot at any picture they pleased, with sound), I’m considering giving him the whole 10,000 as an investment in HIM. You’re right, it is indeed an awesome concept he has created, and he (and any investors) will reap the rewards, (I hope). What I was actually refering to in the above comment was that Steph is so popular that she has longgg threads on her journal entries and I’m thinking that might have a *bit* to do with her journal trying to download that many MB at one time and while taking so long, my browser tends hang. However, I’m aware that Brad is having difficulty with overload on his servers. Course, I only ever seem to visit during peak hours, and that doesn’t help.
Jazz It
We’ll see what happens in the near future.
Re: Pooh Pie
The long threads could definattely have something to do with it. Though I seriously doubt(hope) we’re not dealing with megs here on plain text journal entries.
Re: Pooh Pie
You’re probably right. However, with each text entry comes a picture (or two, those little mood icons too), and they all add up. But I’m sure It’s not many megs, if any.
jealous…
Punquin… I was giving this some thought… the fact that you have great plans already set for your future house, husband, career, etc, is probably disturbing to some people who have no clue what they are doing with their life. Here you are , being successful at such a young age, while people who are much older than you are unable to accomplish what you are able to. It’s just a simple case of people shooting someone down so they can gloat and feel better about themselves. Maybe you have reminded people that they have not accomplished the things that they wanted to, and are now envious of those who have.
Their intention is to bring you down so perhaps you will stumble…. don’t let them rent space in your head. If they were secure and happy with their lives then you wouldn’t pose a threat.
that..or something else.
Steph, It could be the jealousy route. Or it could be mental illness. Just a mad raving from
a sick person.
Jazz It.
comment on the religion
Man , You are so right on when it comes to people
in religion who don’t agree with someone with different beliefs. IT’S O.K. TO AGREE TO DISAGREE.
I read the stuff yesterday as well…. Don’t take any of that sh*t from anyone. Keep up the good work, and good deeds…….
BA
Some people….
Are just jerks. And you should never feel guilt because of their opinions. They are not worth that and you should lower yourself to hurting because they do not agree. Your conscience is your own. And unless they are being constructive, they should keep their mouths shut.