still stressed out… we are going to the townhouse this evening. my dad is meeting us there to look at it before we sign the contract. then i’ll be signing a $5000 check (S I G H) as a deposit, and we start the whole morgage approval thing. i woke up scared this morning. i was sure it would be a few minutes before my alarm, but it was still 3am. i was scared when we got our current apartment because it cost more than the last. our monthly bills are going to increase yet again, but it will still work out. we have both had signifgant raises in the last year and we are both smart enough to get more (even if it means changing jobs for me). i guess the worst part of it all is having to give them $20k in downpayments and fees and whatnot. we can manage it together. but we are postponeing a family to rebuild our savings for a year or two. i am sure once we move in, we will adapt quickly to not wasting so much money on going out to eat every day and toys (*sniff sniff* no toys for me), and it will almost feel like rent. last night we both went though hours of internet searches about getting married. be both just want to be married and would prefer it to be as simple as a courthouse kind of thing, but we keep being told by family that we are obligated to invite them. argh. we don’t want to plan anything. marriage will change my name, some legalities, and our taxes. but in my heart i have been married to him for a couple years. hopefully we will be able to figure out something but it is tricky since we don’t know a sure date about when we might move. i brought a bunch of cupcakes in to work from my party. i was bad and had one for breakfast. i was rushed to get in to work today so i didn’t pack anything. that’s all for now. if anyone has an extra $20k floating around, i am sure i could find a good home for it (pun intended)… |
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your situation is to familiar! I on the other hand had to stop buying clothes and shoes! š That’s how much we put down on our house…well I shouldn’t say ‘we’. My boi did! It makes the house payments alot cheaper. I just pay the house bills and that’s still tough for me. Your so lucky to beable to get a brand new home! On the other hand we have ‘new’ re-modeling to do! hehe You will have bunches of fun! Good Luck!
As if the house wasn’t stressful enough you have the added stress of pleasing your family with a real wedding. Like you said, you have been married in your heart already. It seems like people associate the amount of love between two people with the size of the wedding. I guess they think it shows how much effort you’re willing to put into it. (pshaw!) It’s quite the opposite in a lot of cases. I say go to the courthouse, get the ‘duties’ done. Then have a killer reception when the time is right. Heck, video tape your vows and play the tape at the reception for everyone š I’m so happy for you guys. The house sounds great. Good luck!!
been there, done that. we bought our first real house this year and got married as well. very stressful stuff because of moving and paperwork and money, money, money.
it’s all worth it in the long run, but sometimes getting there seems to be overwhelming. keep your eyes on the prize and don’t let the whacked out transitional phase eat you alive.
i -hate- moving and that last one was #8 in a little over 2 years. i feel like i’m in limbo for a couple of months. i’ve lived in GA since october and it’s just recently started to feel like home.
and to top this pre-sleep ramble off, i know exactly what you mean about feeling married in your heart but not really being such. paper is just paper and rings are just metal, but what’s inside you and danny is what matters. nothing outside of you can even touch that.
i wish you much luck and joy in the new path you’ve set for yourself.
Rev. dweezil
I would be glad to perform the marriage ceremony gratis. It would be my first, so that’s GOT to be good luck!
marriage stuff
You know what I want to do when I get married? Go away somewhere to a beautiful place and have a tiny ceremony with just me and whoever. Then come home and throw a huge party for friends and family once we feel up to it. It seems like if you throw a big wedding you are too tired and stressed to enjoy the beauty of the ceremony as much. You and Danny should go to Tahiti or something and have yourselves a tiny island wedding. š
A side note, I decided a long time ago that I want a huge tower of cupcakes in silver paper instead of a wedding cake. They can be all kinds. Blue even.
Re: marriage stuff
My parents (mother and step-father) went to the Gulf and had a little private ceremony there, just the two of them. Then they held a large reception for everyone. I like that idea, if you’re not looking forward to a big wedding. But be sure to invite us to the reception too! š
SqrFruit
I JUST GOT MARRIED WITH 2 WEDDINGS
Ahh. Yes the wedding. My wife and I who just got married 3 weeks ago went through simailar situation. We wanted a small litte ceromony, possible just here and I with a freind or two, when we got married. But people just kept asking when the wedding was. “Well, I better be invited”, they would say. Now what are you supposed to say to these people? No, you can’t come to our wedding. That just would seem to rude. Especially to family. So we ended up telling people “oh yeah… invition will be in the mail”. After all was said and done… 200 invistation were sent out. WOW! Far cry from our original 4 people eh?
Oh yea… it gets better though.
This part is complicated. In the State of Washington (where we are) there is a 3 day waiting period for a marrige liscence. We id not know this. To make a long story short, we did not know about this waiting period until the day before the wedding. Luckily we are just 20 minutes fromdaho (who has no waiting period), so we drove there to get a liscence there. We could have went to the hitchin post and got married that day (so we would have already been married at he wedding), but the DATES on the licsense wouldn’t match. We ended up asking our Officiant if he would go back out to Idaho with us and 2 witnesses and marry us before the ceromony. He agreed, and did so. Later that night we had the actuall wedding ceromony and got married again (though no one knew – that was kinda cool).
Ok… now with that little bit of History out of the way, I am enlighten you with my thoughts on Wedding, at least how it happened for us.
The little offical ceromony we had in Post Falls with our 2 very good freinds ass witnesses was so meaniful. Though we both felt we too had been married in our hearts for a few years, actually saying the words in front of these 2 people, looking at one another in the eyes and commiting officialy to one another made us both feel very deep and intene love. It was a great feeling. We laughed, we cried. It was one the the most special moments in our lives. True to heart. I suggest this method.
However, as we found it, family and freinds still feel the need to be a part of this merger. However, while we were in front of ALL these people getting married (again), it didn’t feel the same as earlier. People have told me that it was because we had gotten married earlier that day, but I beg to differ. Before, during, after the wedding there were so many people to concentrae on. Meeting my wifes entire family, greeting the freinds and family I knew, taking care of the best men.. and on and on. Its a lot of work to put on a wedding. Not too mention the thousands $$$$$$ of dollars we spent on the small catering staff (which sucked), music, flowers, tuxes, dress… blegh, bliegh, bliegh (where is that new computer I could have bought?). Don’t get me wrong, it was beatiful, and very romantic in its own way, but nothing compared to doing it earlier that day. Our minds were not on one another during the wedding ceromony. We were thinking about everyone else. 200 people is alot to keep happy.
Wow.. this is getting long. Crazy.
Well, just though I would put my 2 cents (checks in the mail for your new town house).
Whatever you decided to do, I am sure it will be nice. Do what you can affordand what you feel is right. I do highly recomend getting married twice like we did if you must have an actuall wedding. It so much more meaniful when your one on one with the one you love, than in front of 200 people starring and watching your every move. But its also nice to have your entire freinds and famly there for you on your big day.
Damn, now I am getting stressed out again and I already been through it.
Good luck Steph.
RynDog & Ronnie
(Sorry about the spelling and grammer, I just got done eating Froot Loops, and I need to go fill my bowl back up)
What we did to alleviate the whole “I’d better be invited to the wedding” thing was to say that the wedding was private but that they would be invited to the reception.
Because we’d been together 11 years prior to the actual wedding day, and already felt married, we didn’t really want the whole big huge wedding scene. It worked out quite well.
Also, because we had an established household and everything that we could possibly need, we asked for our wedding reception guests to not bring any gifts whatsoever, but in exchange for the feeling that people seem to have to bring a gift, we threw a no host dinner. It worked out extremely well that way, and everyone attended who could. We only had four people who were not able to make it and they were out of town people, which was not surprising to me.
my thoughts š
My best friend in the whole wide world totally surprised us all by taking his wife to this mountaintop spiritual center for what we thought was a nice vacation but he ended up coming home married. We were all kinda pissed cause all we got to see was pictures, and here he had known this chick for just a year and he had been my friend for so many more years, and damnit I wanna see this guy get married and make sure his girl is appropriate for him, etc…well we’ve all learned to accept that he’s married (and yes, a spiritual marriage is a legal one), but to please her family (who are devout catholics) and I guess to appease our unrested spirits they are planning another wedding, just for show. They are truly in love, their relationship has been a whirlwind but has been beautiful for the two of them, and exchanging vows in private and seclusion showed them that they could say those things to each other freely, not under the pressure of a $20,000 wedding show. Save your $20,000 for your house!
Jason (my boyfriend) and I are in the same boat, pretty much, just a few years behind your age. We love each other a great deal, but we don’t want to get married, and really, we don’t need to. I went through some crap that made me think about marriage–i.e. when we got our apartment together, the apartment people kept asking me if he was gonna leave me, what kind of relationship we had…what i planned to do if he left me, it was just annoying. To be looked at as if my relationship wasn’t significant cause i don’t have a rock on my finger was really retarded. You can be committed to each other without being binded by marriage…
maybe you should consider doing the two wedding thing…maybe taking your own vows in private and then having the show wedding…cause then, heehee…you get tons of presents š That means more toys!
love,
kat
I’ve got friends who will be looking for a house soon. I was talking to them about it, and they pointed out that although it will be expensive and feel like rent, at least they will know that the payments are going to something which is becoming theirs, not just paying money every month for the right to live there.
Just a thought.