This is going to be hard to write, but I am the kind of person who needs to write things out to come to terms with them. This is also going to come as a shock to some of you who haven’t spent much time at our house. It definitely won’t be a surprise to those of you who have witnessed first-hand what has been happening over the years.
Some of you might remember when I wrote about the trouble we were having with India’s behavior. She was growling all the time, lungeing at the cats when she was on the bed, and worst of all, fighting with China. Since then, we’ve tired just about everything – short of medication (the vet discuraged us from that, saying it would degrade her quality of life). We consulted with the vet. We saw a behaviorist (who was very alarmed at her reactions). We did a lot of training. We actually got to the point where we didn’t have to deal with her growling or lungeung from the bed anymore – we trained her to lay on a dog bed beside it. We took more walks and I got to the point where I can walk loose-leash with her. We kept the cats out of the bedroom and that stopped her from going after them when she was half-asleep. I frosted over all the windows so she wouldn’t be territorial and bark at people walkingby. But, the more serious problems didn’t end.
That post I made about India was the only one. I didn’t want to write any more about it because the situation was sad, embarassing, and would probably have frightened my dad if he knew all the details. He is not a dog person, but I wasn’t ready to give up on her. If I had written about every fight India started, there’d be a dozen posts. If I talked about us geting injured breaking up their fights, you’d have heard from me twice. If I wrote an update every time she saw China laying across the room and started growling at her, I’d be writing every few minutes.
The fights were getting harder to break up. We had one that felt like it went on for 2 minutes. I’ve got scars from breaking up that one – not from being bit, but from my hand being in the way of India biting China. Danny has a scar too from an earlier fight. We decided after that fight that we would not break them up with our bodies any more. It put us at too much risk. We would only use inanimate objects as sheilds between them till they paused and we could grab one. That decision was a scarey one, because the fights always seem like they will go to the death. We didn’t know if they would stop…
This week was bad. India had been growling the same amount as usual, but the layout of the new house made it harder for China to avoid her. china had to climb up and over our bed at night to get to her crate because India would block her way, growling. China would lay across the room giving India calming signals – head turned all the way to the side, licking her lips. Indiawas oblivious to her signals. It’s like she missed some sort of important lession in her first few weeks as a puppy. They had another fight on Friday. I was weak and emotional from the medical condition I am being treated for – all I could do was try to untangle myself from them and scream for them to stop. Danny ran in thinking I was being hurt, luckily I just got bruised up cause I was stuck between them and the wall. I think he used the empty fish tank to break them up. I don’t really remember anything until I realized I was sitting at the bottom of the stairs holding a baby gate so India couldn’t come down for another round. I put India in the master bathroom to keep her separate and clean her wounds. China, being thickly furred, was just bruised and soggy from spit and India’s blood. India was all scraped up and had a puncture on each leg. She also bit her tongue. None of her cuts were serious, and we had to go out, so I gave her a bowl of cold water for her tongue and left her in the bathroom.
In our old house, if we separated them after a fight, India would just unlock the room she was in, open the lever handle, and rejoin China. We thought we were safe here – only doorknobs. But I guess the bathroom door will bounce open if you hit it the right way. We got home to a 4 sq ft hole in the carpet and carpet padding at the door to the master bedroom. The padding was in chunks. The carpet pulled back with about a foot of it completely shredded into fuzz. There were scratches in the floorboards and door and streaks of blood from her panic. She had pooped and walked in it. I found the mess when I went up to get her for thier walk. Danny already had China outside and we were going to let them get back together on neutral turf. I didn’t even know how to describe the mess to him, beyond the word “ruined”.
We knew it was final decision time. The moment we hoped it would never come to. We are at a stage in our lives where we may start a family. We can’t have a baby in this environment. And, India was obviously unhappy. We had made so much progress over the years, but when it came down to it – she hates China. She is fine with other dogs – loves the dog park, been to daycare. She even got off her leash the other day and happily ran up to another dog out walking and wanted to follow him. She is a sweetheart with people, though sometimes shy. I’d hold my breath when guests were over, and I wouldn’t let anyone stand with both of them at the same time forr fear that India would start a fight. But what do we do? She is my baby girl…
The first part of our decision, though painful, came easy. She can’t stay here. It is too dangerous for all of us. We are all unhappy and scared. The second part… what to do… not so easy. We couldn’t find any rescues that were accepting dogs. We didn’t know anyone who could safely foster her. Danny talked to the county shelter and they said outright that if she looks even a little bit pit bull (and she does) they would euthanize her. The is no way in hell I’d ever support a place like that. They told him they’d prefer if we could just bring her to our vet and have her put down so they didn’t have to do it. I started looking online though all the rescues and shelters in the area and came across the Animal Welfare League. I called them and had a long conversation with an adoption councelor about the situation. I felt so good talking to them. They don’t breed discriminate – they’ve placed plenty of rotti mixes. They do a full temperment test and tightly screen all potential homes. They understood that sometimes two dogs just don’t get along (something you run accross every day in dog daycare). She said they would evaluate her with other dogs to see if she should be placed in a home with or without siblings. I felt really good about them. They even let you call and check on her, where the county shelter would tell you nothing. They have the resources and training we don’t have to place her in the right home. We would be giving India the second chance she deserved.
I tried to reason with her. I took her head in my hands and asked her if she understood that she was breaking up our family. She didn’t get it. I tried to enjoy our last day together but she kept growling at China. Luckily, I have a million happy memories of her in my heart.
Bringing her in was hard. She thought she was going to the vet and didn’t want to come out from under my legs. She was wearing the new pink collar I made her Thanksgiving night and a bandana with turtles on it. I brought her newest toy – a stuffed hedgehog. I had to walk towards the back with her after saying goodbye in order to get her to go. The image of her disapearing behind the door will forever be burned into my brain. I cried the whole time we discussed her history and filled out her personality profile. I gave them a large donation to support their cause and help cover her care. When we left without her, I felt like I left my heart.
I know we made the right decision, but it is going to take a long time for me to adjust. I miss my baby girl. I don’t miss living in fear of what will happen next, but I miss the kisses, her love of playing, the way she rolled around on her back after eating… The house and my heart feel so empty. I am trying to fill both with all my happy memories. It is so hard though. I felt guilty for keeping her in a bad situation, and now I feel guilty for letting her move on. I have to keep reminding myself that this is her only chance at a happy life. I wonder if maybe we made things worse for her by not rehoming her sooner. I do at least have confidence that if anyone can find the right home for her, it is the Animal Welfare League.
I’m not sure how to react to all my photos of India. I think I will end up keeping most of them up in celebration of all our happy times together. I’m sure we’ll eventually consider a second dog. we are two-dog people. But I won’t be ready any time soon. And, this time – no pet store puppies. We will research carefully and find the right fit for our home.
This has been hard to write, but it has been a huge relief to get out. Unlike danny, writing here has always been my therapy. Thankfully, I’ve gotten to a point where most of you who read and comment are resepctful, and I thank you for that. I am leaving comments turning on for this post, but they will be screened so they are private between you and me.
I am ready to start posting about happy things. I will start taking pictures of the new house to share with you.
stephanie,
i don’t think anyone would criticize your decisions if they have seen the love and devotion you have for all animals, especially your own. you made the right decision, india would have eventually hurt china or you severely and having her in an environment that doesn’t spark her constantly will enable her to live a happy life free from that rage. sometimes it is hard owning pets; doing the right thing for them has been some of the hardest decisions i have ever had to make, but end, you have to make them and move on. that was what happened when i had to put nia to sleep instead of putting her through months of unhappy medical procedure just to keep her around a little longer.
i wish you the best of luck healing your home, your body and your mind.
*many hugs*
michael
I know you’re a true pet lover and I can’t imagine how difficult this all is for you. I am so sorry. 🙁
i so understand what you are going through now. i hope/know it will all be better soon for you.
i kinda had the same situation here only with my tow cats 3 years ago. we had, pepsi, she was a little kitten, when i got her from a family and she was kinda shy but very sweet. a year later we got another cat ( i did not want her to be lonely and would have like even more but more than two are not allowed in the flat right now)… a stray cat who was a little bit older already, named neko. it was obvious that neko was not treated well until we got her. she would come and purr and then out of nowhere she hissed and bit you. she also was scared, fat and had bad fur and overall in bad condition. in only a year she got shiny fur and slimmed down to perfect weight (i did not put her on a diet, she did it on her own, since she was happier now). i started working with both cats then but eko never seemd to fond of pepsi. she would come up to her and bash her and scratch her bad. since pepsi was my baby girl i was worried but thought time would help them get used to each other. then we moved to another flat and things got worse. neko starte urinating in the whole flat, obwviously she wanted to be outside then all of the time since she was used to it cause she was stray once. but she got lost in the gardens and streets and could not find her way home so we collected her from the shelter everal times. by this time things got worse with pepsi. you could tell neko hated pepsi lots. they could not be in one room together. Dan and me tried many ways and options to solve the situation but in the end had to realize, that neko was an only cat who would never like other cats in her home. so we started looking for another family to take her in. luckily we find one… the just lost their old cat and were looking for a new one now. she would be only cat with them and has a big garden there also. it was so hard for me to let her go. also after all we weent through together and the progress we made already but i had to think about whats best for neko, so i had to let her go finally. the day the new family came and took her with them was hard. and i will always remeber it. but i know i did the right thing in the end and tried not to be selfish but do what would be best for her.
we took in antoher kitten a year later (a cute bsh) and our little whisky loves our little pepsi. the two are inseperable now…which is not too often with cats also. in the end i am glad things worked out this way. i wouldnt habe done anyone a favor by letting neko sta< with us.
so i think you did good by letting india go, she will be fine and you will be, too. you had to put her needs (and also chinas) first.
so don’t be sad. there now still is so much to look forward – for both you and india…
:*
Oh Steph – I’m so sorry. Giving up a pet, under any circumstances, is hard. Animals are more than that…they really do become family. I completely understand what you are going through – if you need anything please let me know.
*hugs*
I’m sorry to read…
… that you have to do this, but it was probably the best thing you could do in this situation. There are indeed some traumas a dog could suffer when it is a puppy, who couldn’t get trained away, and medication isn’t a solution. So it’s the best you look(or let look) for a new home for her. Shelters who behave like the one you gave India to, are usually checking potential adopters very closely, to make sure she gets a good home. They act similar like the official shelters over here in Germany(where euthanizing healthy pets, who aren’t adopted immediately, is thankfully unknown).
You shouldn’t feel guilty about it, you’ve done your best and found the best solution for India.
*hugs?*
I’m sorry honey, That has to be one of the most heartbreaking decisions. I hope India finds a home where she can be happy.
*hugs* sweetheart. You made a very tough decision but it sounds like the right one.
*hugs*
What you did was so brave and so respectful for India it takes my breath away. There are so many people who would’ve just put her down — you did absolutely everything you could for her to give her that second chance.
I know we’re pretty much strangers and I just read about your life here, but I wanted you to know I admire what you did for India and can recognize how heart-wrenching it was for you.
I am so sorry sweetie. India was a sweetie, but youguys did the right thing. She needs to be happy and you guys deserve to feel safe in your own home. I hope everything starts looking up for you guys soon and I hope we can get together soemtime soon. we haven’t seen you guys in ages!
Iam so sorry Stephanie…
I know what losing a dog feels like, although I took my dog to the vet to be put to sleep. He was 13 years old and it tore me up to do that, but after a few days and alot of tears I knew I did the right thing. You have been on my friends list for a lot of years now and I know how you are with your animals. I know to that you were having problems with India, but nothing like what you just wrote. You have done the right thing no matter how much it hurts, and if I had known you were having that much trouble, I would have suggested that you do it sooner. That God you or no one else was hurt or worse. I will be hoping for the very best to come to you and your family and for India too. After I put Midnight to sleep at the vets…I swore I would have no more dogs, but after about 6 months I was up at Feeder’s Supply buying some rat food for my “pet” rat…I heard some barking and went over to see the dogs and saw “Angel” and just fell in love with her on the spot. She will be 3 this coming Feb. and she means the world to me. If your not a dog person, you can’t understand how much a part of our families they are and what we go thru with them during the good times and the hard times. I will keep you in my thoughts and will wish the very best to you and yours Steph.
I am so very, very sorry Stephanie.
I think when you made that post about India I brought up that we have a similiar problem with out dogs. I, and my Mom have been hurt many times breaking apart FOUR dogs who started going after each other.
We’ve been incident free for about a year now..by keeping my beagle away from my dad’s jack russel. It’s incredibly difficult to do since it’s all one house, but I manage somehow (this usually involves me having to carry the beagle places and gate him into rooms).
I know how hard it is, and I’m just so sorry you had to give India away 🙁
I so wish I could say something more to help..
I am so sorry for all that you are going through. It really sounds like you made the right decision though for you and your family. *hugs*
i am so sorry that she didn’t respond – you guys are so good with your pets, i can’t imagine there was any stone left unturned.
A sad time but you made the right decision.
I’m so very sorry. I understand how sad you must be, and hope that you guys have happier times in your future.
what a horrible decision you were forced to take…
you already know it was the right one (the only one at this point…), but I understand it doesn’t hurt less.
but I’m sure she’ll find a place that’s perfect for her in which she can be very happy.
A big hug.
It took me 10 minutes to get through this because I was sobbing. God you guys are so strong great people. I am so glad you took the time to research that….even though I KNEW you would. I cannot even imagine the saddness and strength it took to let go.
I hopehopehope India finds a good loving home where she can be happy.
This is where I (and I am sure you guys are the same) wish dogs could talk to us. So many questions to what set her off like that.
Oh and I’ll leave my comments to myself about those other kill shelters. Hearing those words actually being said to you over the phone had to of been a big heartening blow.
I will definitely miss Dia, too. She was so sweet and friendly to me even having never met me before. I’m sorry you had to go through the conflicts and that parting.
After witnessing first-hand what their fights were like, I can say I had nothing but respect for the way you two handled such a situation. Having been raised around all sorts of animals and their various temperments; having seen my dad euthanize an animal while being viciously attacked by it, and seeing what years of euthanizing animals has done to my fathers’ morale, I am glad you chose the route you did.
You did your best, much more than an average family would have done, and in the end, everybody got what they needed.
Being the medical dork I am, I worry for your health and your seemingly endless routes on antibiotics. I think more pie in your diet may boost your immune system.
You’ll have to send me your new address so that I may send a proper xmas card this year.
I hope you feel better.
I’m so sorry
I’m so sorry to hear of what you guys have been going through. I went through a very similar situation with a dog I rescued, and I know how difficult your decision was. I adopted Blanca from a local animal shelter. She was an Albino Doberman, and they are known to have serious aggression issues and mental problems. The Doberman Breed Rescue in Austin wouldn’t even take her. If I didn’t adopt her, she would have surely been euthanized. Once she came to live with us, Blanca constantly attacked one of the other females in the pack. Over the course of the year I had her, I broke up more fights between the two of them than I could count. I, too, have scars from getting in between their fights trying to break them up. One night, another female in the pack, a dog she had always gotten along with and who she never attacked, got in a fight with her. I was alone, and nothing I could do could stop the fight. I felt so helpless. I honestly thought they would fight to the death. The fight lasted at least 10 minutes. In the end, Kirby, the dog who started the fight, had a couple of punctures, and Blanca was very badly hurt. I had to take her to the emergency animal hospital, and she required surgery. She had 4 drains coming out of her head after the surgery, and numerous stitches and staples. After this fight, I had to sequester Blanca in my room. I could no longer let her be with the rest of the pack. I spent the following weeks constantly panicking whenever I left the house, worried that she would somehow get out of the bedroom and another fight would occur. I tried to rehome her, but due to the fact that she was an Albino Doberman, this was impossible. I had tried so hard over the course of the year she was with us to work with her and train her. I also tried numerous medications. None of them made any difference. There were periods of time where we were fight-free, and I honestly thought that the worse was over. I talked to a number of people from Doberman breed rescue groups about rehoming her, and the woman I rescued her from also tried placing her. The problem is that when rehoming a dog, you have to be completely honest about any aggression issues, and due to the serious nature of her aggression, she wasn’t really adoptable. I made one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make in my life. I decided to put her to sleep. I felt so incredibly guilty, but everyone I talked to assured me that I gave her a year of life that she wouldn’t have had otherwise. I considered the fact that the rest of the pack was in danger, and that the quality of her life, having to be constantly sequestered, was very low at this point. Many people, my vet included, warned me that the next fight could very well result in the death of her or one of the other dogs. I put Blanca down on May 12 of this year. It was one of the worst days of my life. I have never cried so hard, for so long. I have her ashes on my mantle, and will always remember the good memories I have of her. Even with all the fighting, she was extremely loving, and very devoted to me. I just want you to know that I truly empathize with you and Danny, and I know you guys did the right thing. If I could’ve rehomed Blanca, I would have done it in a heartbeat. My sincerest condolences as you both go through this very difficult time.
Aww, Stephanie don’t feel guilty. You tried your hardest to make India happy in your family and it just didn’t work out. You love your pets so much and are so dedicated to them. India was lucky to have you as her “mommy” instead of someone who would have dumped her in a shelter the first sign of trouble or put her down.
My old man is going to be 12 years old in January. This is his last holiday with us as he is having a harder time walking around and getting up stairs. Medicines aren’t helping anymore so the time to say goodbye is soon. I’m so afraid that I’m waiting too long, putting it off because I want to keep him with me as long as I can and as long as he is comfortable. We can’t get another dog after this (because we rent) and the hole in my life will be huge.
Many hugs to you, China and Danny. I hope you feel better (healthwise) soon Congrats on the new house. I can’t wait to see pictures!!
You did the best thing you could do in that situation. You empathize with her and found the best way for her to have a happy life. You shouldn’t feel guilty.
It’s always hard to say goodbye to a friend. I’m glad you were able to find somewhere that would let India find a new family.
*hugs*
i’m so sorry to hear you had to go through this, especially at such a stressful time in your life 🙁 we had the same problem with our dogs- we had a little dog (poodle/terrier mix) and when we got a second puppy (rotti/lab) they would fight the same way you have described here. luckily we managed to avoid most of the problems because we were able to keep them apart a lot but i know how terrible it is when dogs are growling and fighting with each other. i know it must be so hard but it does seem like the right thing to do- you are giving her a chance at a happier life, and the shelter sounds really good- all of the animal places here euthanise (i’m in australia) so the one you chose sounds really supportive and i’m sure they will find a really great family for her.
Hey Steph, I know we don’t really talk anymore but I wanted to let you know I’m sorry you had to go through rehoming India. I very much remember her being a sweet girl and I can’t imagine how hard it must have been. You did what was best for everyone and unfortunately sometimes that’s the hardest choice. Gives China hugs and snuggles for me and I hope life has happier events soon.
Congratulations on the new house again! Having a yard is wonderful! I finally moved my butt over to Virginia (I’m in Falls Church) with my boyfriend Zak since I’m attempting to take grad classes out here. Maybe sometime in the not so distant future we can get the chance to hang out again and go see a movie or something 🙂 I’m looking forward to seeing more pictures of the new place!
i’m sorry to hear you had to get rid of india. we are having problems with fiona and i hope that we won’t have to make the same decision 🙁
Oh man. I know that was so hard for you to do….
She was lucky that you at least found a good option for her. So many people wouldn’t try so hard.
I hope she finds a good home!!!!!!!!!!!!!
…
The good memories will always be there… and be glad she went to another place… and not to “a better place”.
Most people would probably see this as “You lost your dog” but in reality with your family you “lost” a kid.
I’m sorry you had to go through that.. and I really hope the better things coming your way can help make up for that loss.
I’m saying a prayer for all of you….
;(
Stephanie,
I am so sorry you had to make this decission. Having spent time there, I know how much you love all your critters and you do only what you feel is best for them. Just as you will have happy memories of India, she will have just as many fond memories of you.
You did more than most people would have in trying to work with her so don’t second guess yourself. You did what was best for everyone.
DCVER/J
I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you! Time will heal your wounds. Hope your memories bring you comfort.
change for the better
It’s never easy to send a pet away but you’ve made the right decision for the family. I have enjoyed your site off and on for awhile now and have seen you go through many learning experiences. I have smiled,laughed,and even been saddened by things you have posted.I just wanted to say “thanks” for sharing these things with all of your friends and family and us fans.I hope all of our combined good wishes for you guys will ease you through this hard time.
Awwwwww…. *hug*
I hesitate to say anything here but I just want you to know that Lisa and I realize what a difficult and painful decision this was for you. I can’t even imagine having to make that sort of decision about either of our dogs. All I can say is that I know you made the best possible decision because I know how much you love India. Sometimes, love is letting go, or doing something that you know is going to hurt. All I can say is, I wish you didn’t have to go through this, but I am glad that India had you to make these decisions for her.
When you are ready for a new dog (and I know that won’t be any time soon), bear in mind that we volunteer with WARL and know from one week to the next the dogs who are there.
You did the best thing Stephanie. It may not feel like it, but you did.
I can tell this has really ripped you up emotionally Stephanie and I’m so sorry. But I honestly think you made the right decision, how ever comforting or uncomforting that is to hear. *hugs*
I’m sorry to hear about this whole situation. I know how hard it is to make a decision about someone you love so dearly that you can’t have a “worded” conversation with. It sounds like you did the very best imaginable but without putting all of you in harms way even moreso you did the best thing for India you could.
I read your post yesterday and I’ve been thinking about what to say to you, regarding what you and Danny have been going through.. I’m really sorry.. We all know how much you two love her and it’s a tough decision to make. Everyone here including myself support every decision you make. I agree the Animal Welfare League will find a home for her 🙂
*crosses fingers* for good things.. [big hugs] to you!!
You don’t know me, but I’ve been reading your journal for years. I recently moved out of the DC area and only just checked in on you again. I am SO sorry for what you went through. When I had
to put my best friend down due to aggression at the young age of 2, I thought my heart would just burst out of my chest, it hurt so much. It is something I would never wish on another person.
Being an animal lover myself, I know we both did everything we could to make it better and in the end did the only thing we could to make it safe – sometimes there is just no other choice. It has
been 10 years since that day and while it does get easier, I still cry for her every time I read something similar and I still smile when I think about her antics. I still have her beautiful face imprinted in my brain and am thankful for the time we shared. Your experience made me cry and smile both and I thank you for reminding of her. I send my sympathies for loss and my hope that smiles will soon mix with tears as you think of India.