stephanie is: 
a little woogie…
so… right after i wrote my last post i checked the mail and that paycheck had arrived (it is not my check from the doggie daycare – this is a web revenue check). about damn time. they said that sending out 1099’s had slowed them down.
i got into bed around 7pm, still on my quest to de-stress myself and get my body sleeping more. i got to sleep by 9pm and (with only a few awakenings) slept until danny came to bed at 5am. since that was 15 minutes before my alarm was to go off, i just stayed awake and chatted with him.
when i got to work, i saw that i was the only one who was not scheduled to float or be in the lounge (the two “best” shifts). the girl scheduled to be in the lounge was the one who had taken over my spot earlier in the week. frustration++
i had the second shift with the small dogs and spent all my time (between cleaning up after them and taking them outside) writing a 4 page note to my manager. basically, i wrote out how frustrated and burnt-out i’ve been feeling. that i get the impression that they feel i am unworthy of the better shifts since i am the only one not getting them. i told them that i don’t want to quit, but since i make so little, it really wouldn’t make sense to stay if i were to continue to feel miserable and overlooked – i’d need to love the job again. the lack of variety is really wearing at me and it shouldn’t – there are plenty of things i could be doing there. i made it clear that i was trying to do my part to ease my frazzled nerves – the whole trying to sleep more and whatnot… we have had 3 people give notice (that is like a 5th of our staff) this month so i wanted them to understand my point of view so it didn’t have to go that far for me.
i taped my note up at the front desk for the manager before i went to do the first part of my nap-time chores (a bath for miss molly). when i came back to read what my second chore was, my manager said “i didn’t know you felt that way, silly! you hide it so well…”. she pulled me aside and said she had been under the impression that i didn’t want those other shifts (i am sure i had asked to learn to float, but she didn’t think i had) – that i only wanted to be with the dogs. i love being with the dogs, but it is so exhausting, mentally and physically, that i need some variety in order to save my sanity. she said that was easy enough to solve.
everyone there is genuinely nice, but i’m sure they are also motivated by the fact they are loosing staff fast and want to keep everyone that is left happy. anyway… no matter the outcome, i am glad they know how i feel now.
fucking figures my period starts today – it never fails to start the day before my ‘weekend’ each month. so i’ve been feeling gross… upset stomach and back pain. bah to being a girl. i don’t want the babies, but i also don’t want to pump myself full of hormones in order to avoid this monthly nonsense.
after work i came home and changed out of my dirty work clothes so i could run errands. i drove to the bank to deposit checks, then to wal-mart to look for yarn and fabric for doggie neck scarves for work. i got lost trying to get from wal-mart to danny’s work to visit him. i had to call to figure out how to get there before i ended up in delaware.
i spent some time with him, despite feeling crappy, since i will only see him saturday this week. my lonliness will not go away if i stay at home feeling sorry for myself… we ordered food and picked it up. after we ate i headed home since i’ve been up since 5am.
hopefully this all makes sense – i am too tired to go back over it all and check it. i am going to go up to bed – maybe take a bath first. tomorrow i am going to enjoy time on my computer and do some re-braiding.
thank you everyone for your kind words yesterday. and thanks for the text message (though i can’t remember if that was today or yesterday). it made my butt vibrate during nap-time.