stephanie is: 
tired…
this post will be 99% whining.
i’ve just been so tired. tired tired lonely tired. i miss danny. i’ll only get to see him one day out of 12 in a row. wonderful. maybe he can sneak away for dinner one day. i’d even get back out of bed for that if i could manage it.
i am feeling very burnt out at work. i keep getting shafted out of all enjoyable shifts due to either being over-looked or due to us being short-staffed. so my days have been frustrating and monotonous. several of the other girls feel the same way and are looking for other work. two of the girls who have been there the longest just resigned. both because they just don’t pay enough for the amount of time/work/energy the job consumes. i felt like crying the other day because i was scheduled to be in the lounge finally and that shift was taken away from my. it was the one thing i was looking forward to this week and the loss of that just made my frustration so much more raw. when i was with the smaller dogs later, i got some hugs from trixie and i felt a little better.
all the stress of not seeing my husband, being over-worked, having no time (when i am not tired) for any of my own work, and just all the work involved in my job in general has left me physically exhausted. i have been getting into bed within hours of getting home this week. and no matter how long i lay there i still wake up partly through the night and wind up with only 4-6 hours of sleep. better than the 2-4 i’d been getting for 2 months, but i have no time for ANYTHING else.
i am eating a bowl of chili (since my lunch was a protein bar and carrots) then i am heading up to bed. i’ll probably be starving later and need to get up in the middle of the night to eat. i can’t sleep at all if i am hungry. i’d love a gardenburger and fries but i haven’t got the energy to try to make one myself.
i txt messaged danny towards the end of my work day (when i thought it might be safe and he’d be awake) asking him if he could let me know if he can do dinner anytime soon, but i got no answer. he ignored my message the day before because he was angry that i sent it so early (halfway through my day is early for everyone else). hopefully between 1pm-2pm wasn’t too early.
i am feeling broke right now because i still haven’t received my december paycheck for some online revenue. now they owe me january’s as well. my account had stated they sent the dec. one on jan. 21st, but i never got it. then on feb. 6th i got an email saying “oh, yeah… we just sent it today. sorry about that.” so i could be up to another week for that one. fucking liars.
i am on my feet so much all day i am killing my shoes. both pairs i wear have straps that are giving out. my heel on my black pair is ripping off from stomping across a rubber floor at top speed trying to distract poo-hungry dogs before they can eat any. i dragged myself out to try on shoes after work yesterday and found two pairs i liked, but not in my size. i ended up ordering them online. $100 value for two pairs of shoes, but i paid $50 including shipping. hopefully they won’t be too bad to break in when they arrive. breaking in new shoes sucks. but 8 hours a day on your feet would probably speed up the process.
my loneliness from not seeing danny has me, once again, wishing i had more friends that i actually spend time with regularly… my friend moose is the closet to that that i have since i see him a couple times a month. but i guess it can’t be helped since i am too tired after work to get myself anywhere on my own and no one wants to have to come out here. and what would we do anyway? be bored, i bet. i am a terrible hostess.
i guess this post has been 100% whining and the rest of my chili is now cold. so here is my positive thought: i have peach pie.