stephanie is: 
…
i was working on my new gallery… adding in old movies from the current gallery. i had just added a couple of brina in the kitchen from last year. she was in the kitchen at the time and i heard the dogs going in and out. i didn’t think anything of it (though now it is a bit odd to me, hindsight.) till i heard a clatter. to this moment i don’t know what it was, but i got up and went to the kitchen expecting to see brina on the top of the fridge and all our magnets on the floor again.
she was laying in a heap below the sink. there was some fresh stool a few feet away. the dogs were standing around looking confused as to why she wasn’t playing. she was having trouble breathing.
i set her on the counter and noticed her left front side couldn’t support her weight. i ran upstairs with her and laid her just inside the cat room so the dogs couldn’t bother her while i dressed (i had been about to bathe the dogs so i hadn’t dressed already). i kept looking around the corner every 10 seconds as i dressed. simba looked upset. he was sniffing her and licked her. i got dressed and got dia in her kennel in only a couple minutes. and laid bri in a blanket and we were at the vet less than 5 minutes later (it is very close).
i walked in and they smiled, ready to hear who my appointment was with. i sobbed and said it was an emergancy. i laid her down and told them all i knew. they rushed off with her after asking some questions about how she may have gotten hurt. i was shown to a room and gave them more information. the head vet came in and sat with me. i was crying. he said she was in bad shape, that she needed an iv, but money can add up in an emergancy. i told him do all you can do in under $500. i got through to my dad and danny on my cell but i didn’t know much. she was in shock and had coughed up blood. i felt like i was in “emergancy vets” except that i couldn’t watch the vets and i wished so much i could. i cried and held her collar that they had given me when i arrived.
danny arrived shortly after the docter came back out to tell me me she had perked up a bit – was more comfortable. they were planning an x-ray of her chest. the next time he came out i knew. he was wearing x-ray gear and he nelt right in front of me with tears in his eyes. he told me she had passed away after her x-ray.
i asked to see her. a kind older lady brought her out in a towel. she was crying too and said she was soo soo sorry – they had done everything they could. i laid my head on bri and cried for a while.
my little baby. i know you aren’t supposed to have favorites, but she was my favorite. the little black cat i had always wanted. my little oddball that slaid on the railing funny, begged me to comb her with my comb, played with my bath bubble every night. she would greet me every morning and we’d chat “mrowr-rawr”. she can’t be gone.
the doctor came out after a while. he was upset. said they did everything they could and it breaks their heart to loose someone. i asked for some of her fur and wiskers and he clipped them for me to save. we asked for the simplest creamation (it costs too much to get the ashes returned to you. but it is okay. ashes or not she is in my heart.). we went over all he knew and he showed me the x-ray. he pointed out that you couldn’t see her heart like normal, and that she had fluid in her cheat cavity. or something, it was really heard to focus and rememeber it all. i just kept wanting her to stand up and mrawr at me.
he said they would sent the bill so wecould just leave. the $75 for creamation brought it near the limit i set. i hope all they did made her comfortable in her last moments. i think it did. my car is still there. i was not in shape to drive home. i had dan move it from the emergancy spot at least. i don’t want to go back there.
back home the dogs were looking all over for bri. china ran up to the cat room when she her bri’s collar bell when i put it in a bag with her fur clipping. simba seemed okay and was wondering why i was hugging him and crying. night time is when he expects his hugs. i expect i’ll hear him crying from loneliness tonight. he used to do that when bri wouldn’t play with him.
we tried to figure out what happened from the cam pictures that were saved… but i don’t know. i guess we never will.
i have work for the weekend and that is a blessing. live goes on and so do the bills. thank you to my dad for helping. thank you to dan for being there for me.
goodbye brina, i love you.
