stephanie is: working working…

i’ve been working. did edits to a mobility supply site and now i am starting the redesign of an orthadontist’s office. well, one of his offices. feeling fine other thana case of the blahs. stress over money perhaps? we’ve been struggling for months to recover from the it layoffs. i adore my new job but they are new and can’t pay me much. they are offering me company equity if that is what it takes to keep me there. i would gladly stay (and will) so long as dan gets a saleried job a.s.a.p. but anyone who has been laid off in the last year knows how easy that is… i just don’t want to get help from my family anymore. my dad is so amazing and would do anything to help my brother and i out, but it is painfull for me to not be able to pay the bills on my own. how long is too long for that? is there a point one reaches where you sell your house and go live in a box? ideally, danny will get this job he’s been hoping for this month and then my pay will become a suppliment that will grow with the company until we can start to afford things like paint for th house and a new comforter for the bed. and health insurance.. imagine that, i’d be able to get back on allergy medication. i hope i hope i hope. job job job. and also more business for our >hosting company would be nice. danny is working on that… it’s why we have such a fast internet connection after all. i’ve still been sending our my resume and i’ve pondered part time jobs. i’ve discussed all this with my bosses and they don’t want to loose me or even looose the hours i am able to work for them right now. they are expecting a lot of new clients over the next month so i hope that is enough for some good solid pay. if i took a part time job i would have less time for my real job which pays much more for my time. except if i were a server (too clumsy i bet) or a stripper (no boobs). all in all i am quite hapy with my job (expect getting in to the city on office days, but who wouldn’t). they are such great people. they part that has me in knots is that i can’t cover the bills myself yet…. sorry for the big rambling thought. i guess an email i got set me off thinking. it is a shame the author felt such strong ill will against me she needed to write a long degrading letter to me. i think her two main points were: “You
complain a lot” and “You
have it pretty good and maybe you should start realizing that so you can be
inspiring to others instead of coming across as a spolied, lazy greedy
little girl.” perhaps i should go to a hypnotist and erase all my thoughts so that there is no chance i would ever complain in my own journal again. i’d hate to bother her further. it feels like having salt rubbed into a wound to be called greedy when what i want the most right now is to not need to be helped by my family anymore. was that her aim? mission accomplished then. i don’t really care that two of are tv’s only sorta work or that we’ve been showering in the guest bathroom since last summer, or whatever. those aren’t the kinds of things i complain about in my diary, so perhaps she thinks i live in some wondderful palace of brand new furnishings instead of 3 year old ikea stuff that i color with black markers to hid the chips? i was so damn proud that we were approved for a house – it was far from everywhere, but because of that it was new for cheaper than the area we were in. i was so proud that we were paying for it every month and every month we owned it a little more. i want to feel that way again, and i know we will soon. it’s just very difficult and confusing to get through times like this… anyone who has gone through bad layoffs could probably understand…