sleeeeeeep. i fell asleep on the bed earlier tonight. danny woke me up at 10:30 cause we hadn’t ate dinner yet. i felt like i was going to fall over. we went to the silver diner and i had pancakes and eggs. i had a nice (but quick) bubble bath just now. i think i am going to sleep now. when i was soaking in the tub i got all freaked out about the whole paysite thing. i don’t know why it is upseting me so much. one moment i will be fine and making some plans – and the next i am thinking “i can’t do this!”. i don’t know what it is. maybe i don’t want my site to be limited for anyone. maybe i am scared that people will feel they have the right to pick me apart as a person if they are paying. maybe i am dreading all the hate mail i will get. most of the time i am fine, clear-headed and know that it is my site and my life. but then i have moments like these when i am terrified to change things, scared of defending my actions, worried i’ll fail… even now i am worried that people will think i am writing stuff like this in here just so that people can pity me and write comments. i feel like i should pretend to me happy and please everyone. i am a very happy person, but i do get sad and scared. i have been getting better lately at writing down what i really feel and not just what i had for breakfast. i’m not sure what i was talking about now. i am not doing anything to my site tonight because it is causing me distress. i need lots and lots of sleep to make up for the tossing and turning of the past week. so if i am up before noon – kick my ass back into bed. love to all you monkies, and sweet dreams… |
Stvlive.com
don’t feel bad…
…this is a journal, you are supposed to write how you honestly feel if you want to…try not to worry so much, things will work out – just don’t work yourself into a dither…i do understand how you must feel…you’ve done an excellent job on this site, by the way, and i think that if you do what your heart says to do, then things will piece together slowly..
*huuuugs* don’t stress!! 🙂 i know my comments aren’t very profound…but..
If you drank I’d say join Izzi in a shot…
Seems I always read that a major cause of stress is change. New house, new large morgage, relocation, marrage, major change is site pupose/role, ect… Seems the only thing constant right now for you is what gives the rest of us our most stress. Work.
Is there anything you can do to just give yourself a break? Hopefully telling your online pals is making you feel a little more relieved.
Just think, in two months all will be resolved and you’ll be giddy playing in the clouds.
Hey, at least you’re not being attacked by feral dogs.
Don’t worry about it, we’re still here
Don’t worry too much about the site thing steph. I can tell you right now, you’ll get the complainers and the hate mail, but just let it slide. There are just jerks in this world, and NOTHING would make them feel better than knowing that they could hurt you by sending you some rude mail.
Also, try not to worry so much about what other people think. I know what it feels like having to watch EVERY freaking word that you say in fear that someone will misinterpret it….ah, the joys of the internet. You just have to realize that not everyone will like you on this and not everyone will hate you. But I’m sure you at least know that by a far greater margin, MOST of your viewers look at you in amazement. To a lot of us, you’re as close to perfection that could be. You’re funny, smart, artistic, nice, and there’s too many others to list.
So to heck with all those goobies that are against you. You’ve still got us!
Good luck with everything!